Nothing beats the 'get away from it all' factor of that perfect cafe or diner. Today, three of us gathered at a spot that has, for me, become one of my dirty little secrets. They serve breakfast anytime of the day as well as all the typical cafe-deli classics like sandwiches, burgers and salads. The breakfasts are, in my estimation, greasy, poorly made, cheap and in a word, unhealthy. The coffee is, without mincing words, appalling. Combine these two critical factors and you have, for me, the ideal combination.

One of the other aspects of the place, that I so enjoy, is that it is out of the way in a sleepy little neighborhood. Generally, this spot is fairly quiet, frequented only by the odd local that wanders in. Truth be told, I hate lining up for breakfast, or second breakfast for that matter. Yes, I do not queue up well. Show me a popular cafe or diner that has a 20 minute queue and I will show you my footprints as I walk by.

Back to today. I have had a stressful few days and I looked forward to escaping into a heavy mug of watery coffee with a helping of eggs, sausages, waffles, toast and jam.

No sooner had we settled into the first nibble of our mid-day meal when a Paul Bunyan look alike walked through the door carrying at least 4 toddlers, under the age of five, under each arm and an infant in a stroller the size of a smart-car! For those who need a history lesson in mythology, Paul was a great big guy, a manly man that chopped down trees with an axe in each hand.

I digress. My little cafe went from 'out of the way' to 'day-care centre from the gates of hell' in one fell swoop.. sorry, no pun intended.

It seems that the owner of the cafe has grandchildren, many, many grandchildren and a son or son-in-law the size of a Garry Oak tree!

Oh yes, and the children's Mom? Well, she is one of the waitresses. And blessed with fecundity she most certainly is!

As fate would have it, the food arrived pretty much when they did and the last drops of sour coffee were drained just as they were packing up their stuff to go.

There is something about small children running around a cafe full of patrons to take your mind off of your chow. Don't get me wrong, I love kids. I just think that when I pay good money for really bad food, I should be able to enjoy it in the relative comfort of peace and quiet.

Add this to the fact that Paul Bunyan kept taking cell phone calls in a voice loud enough to drown out an AirBus and between running out on the sidewalk for a smoke-break, left his menagerie to, almost completely, fend for themselves while Mom slung hash around the cafe.

Will I go back? Damn shooting!

Will I tell you where this cafe is? Hell no!